Epiphany

When I heard the news last evening, I sat down for a moment. Just one. I swam with the thoughts that seem to stream seamlessly in and out. Everything seems inconsequential at a time like this except blurred images of your monologues, your jokes, your funny faces, your shining eyes, the spectacles that slide down the bridge of your nose, the melifluous music of your voice, every intonation in place. I can vividly recall your scent. How you pronounce every word, your slightly embarrassed expression, your wet mop of hair. How you look sparkling clean after a bath. Your backpack, your phone, the sliver of silver on your wrist. Your clean logical mind. Your sleeping frame, twisted into your sheets. The expression of bliss on your face when you partake something delicious. "Hmmmm....", closed eyes, moving lips. My laughter that cuts into your reverie. "What? Its delicious." Thank God, for those moments.

You have touched my life in every single way possible. You are the kindest, most loving, indulgent heart I know. You are poetry, a heart rending note. Everything you touch turns to music, even me. You are my highest serendipity. You have taught me to care, to be passionate, to be myself. You have smoothened my rigidity into delicate flowing happiness. I feel protected and taken care of. You are never overpowering, even in your protectiveness. Last night, you drove all the way to donate blood, in the dead of the night. The world needs more men like you. I need you to teach me to be thoughtful to strangers, to put the other before myself, to think nothing of trifling inconveniences. You are a man, meeting life head long, letting the breeze cradle your face. Thank God, for you.

Now I can understand the grief of potential loss. It is not that I hold on to you tight. I can let go. Without you, I would still go on but every moment would remind me that I am poorer. No trick of human memory can change this fact. As I walked back home, I thought of you, how it could have been me or you. I could never have known you better than I do now. I could never been given another chance to tell you that you are a splendid human being. Nothing else matters. Thank God, for keeping you safe and warm.

I love and cherish you. Your name is in my every whispered gratitude.